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Communicating When You're Upset With Him

“Dear Carrie:

Yesterday my boyfriend told me he wanted to see his poker buddies on Friday night.  But that’s OUR night.  We only see each other on the weekends because he works out of town during the week. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except he’s going out of town for a few weeks and I’m disappointed because I thought he would want to spend time with me before he leaves.  But instead he’s choosing his friends?!?   Should I be worried???  I’m afraid to say anything, but it feels like he has all the power in the relationship and I’m just supposed to smile and accept whatever he wants.”

MY RESPONSE:

Kathryn, I can hear that you’re feeling neglected and you’re afraid that if you say something, you’ll risk losing him.   

This is either a passing feeling of disappointment that you can easily move past when he does something right or something to make you happy again, OR it...

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When He Feels "Emotional Attraction" With You

I was recently contacted by a woman who was terribly upset because her man had just told her he loved her but didn’t always feel attracted to her. 

My heart sank for her because I know what it feels like to hear those words. 

The sting of those words wasn’t lessened by the fact that he was openly sharing about a conversation he’d had the prior evening with an old long-lost lady pal. 

As we began to peel back the layers of what happened, I could hear right away that he was a mature, thoughtful and loving partner, and that their relationship was clearly based on openness and honesty.  No matter to her, because hearing those words felt like a dagger through her heart and her most sacred dream – to be truly loved

All she could hear was “I’m unlovable…No one will ever marry me.”

In fact, she was so focused on his “sometimes I’m not attracted to you” comment that she almost entirely missed the ...

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Why Men Divorce

Understanding What Makes a Man Want to Walk Away…And What Makes Him Want to Stay

Last Saturday, my husband, Paul, and I spent most of the day outside dealing with “Leafmageddon”.  It was time.  Most of the trees have defoliated by now and what leaves hadn’t found their way to the pool were in huge piles at every entrance to our house, just waiting to get inside.

We were about 90% of the way done with the backyard when Paul announced that he was just about out of energy for the backyard and would be moving on to tackle the front momentarily.

“What?  Noooo…are you sure we’re done?”  I whined.

“Yeah, I’m done.”

“But, but, but Sweetie…I was going for more of an Al & Dian look.”  (Al and Dian are the neighbors with the impeccable yard whom we aspire to be like one day.)

We laughed.

After a pause, he looked at me and said, “Hey, how come women get to have “Honey...

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12 Principles of Happiness

My 12 Principles for Happiness
1. Always choose to love yourself unconditionally.
No matter what happens or whatever you go through in life, don't abandon yourself.  If you realize you've been beating yourself because you think you blew it somehow, then now is the tme to let go of that and choose compassion.  You're not perfect, no one is.  Be kind and gentle with yourself.  People may come and go but you will always have you.
 
2. Trust your boundaries and fine-tune your instincts
 
Follow your feelings and intuition towards what feels good and what resonates with you.  Learn to know by feeling when you're in the right place for you and walk away from situations that dishonor you.  Follow your heart and stay true to your purpose.  If you're dating a man and something feels off, then honor that and give your heart what it needs.  Strong boundaries and intuition are a vital part of your happiness.  If you boundaries...
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What to Do When He Hasn’t Called

You’re Upset Because You Haven’t Heard From Him…Should You Pretend Everything is OK?

One reader has been feeling confused because she hasn’t heard from the guy she’s seeing who’s been out of the country on vacation for a month.  She’s feeling disappointed and a little pissed because she thought they were really into each other and she had hoped he would find time to stay in touch.  She’s not sure what to say when he calls.

MY ANSWER:

To find your words, first start with finding your feelings.  ALL of them.

Truth is, there can be lots of feelings happening all at the same time.  We’re complex and that’s what makes us so wonderful!  You could be feeling any emotion from terrible to elated and several in between.

Let’s approach this using an adaptation from some of Rori Raye’s wisdom.

Step 1:  Tune into your feelings. 

Ask yourself:  How would it feel if he called?...

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Beauty Comes From Within?

Uncategorized Jan 29, 2019

Has anyone ever told you that beauty is on the inside?  My grandmother used to say, “pretty is as pretty does”…

So, I always thought that if I were kind, sweet, lovely (whatever that means), and generally self-sacrificing, that it meant I would be beautiful on the inside, and therefore, I would be beautiful on the outside.  Sure, all of those are great qualities and truly becoming to a lady, but I found that just simply being all of that (and more) is not what makes a woman attractive and magnetic.

We all know at least one woman who seems to have that certain something — a sort of magnetism that just attracts people to her effortlessly.   She isn’t always the most beautiful woman in the room.  In fact, you may not even think she’s as pretty as you.  Yet somehow she always seems to turn heads and draw attention.   Why is that?

Or what about the gorgeous, perfectly put together woman who complains she can’t seem...

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When the Man You Love is Married

Does the Idea of Being Without Him Feel Impossible?
Occasionally, I am asked for help with healing and moving forward after an affair with a married man.  I know from working closely with a number of women who have been in this situation that moving forward can be extremely painful and difficult.

In most cases, they didn’t set out to become involved, much less fall in love with married men. It just happened.

The story is different from one situation to the next, but the common theme I’ve noticed — the common ATTRACTION — is this:  CHEMISTRY.

 

Julia writes:
“I hate being vulnerable. I opened up to Michael precisely because the way he treated me from the beginning was completely different from what I ever had with with my husband. That’s the reason why I put caution to the wind even though I knew he was married… I just wanted to be around him even if it meant just sitting next to him while he was filling his paperwork in at a...

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What Makes a Woman Magnetic and Irresistible?

This post is  inspired by a recent conversation I had with my 19-year-old son, Luke.     He told me what makes a woman attractive, what makes a man fall in love, and why women get dumped so often.

ME:   Tell me Luke…What is it about a woman that makes her attractive and irresistible?

LUKE:  Well, I can tell you for sure what makes her UNATTRACTIVE.  She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if she’s clingy and co-dependent it’s a no-go.   Men — well, I can speak for myself anyway — are attracted to beautiful, confident, independent girls who are fun to be with, but have a life of their own, with their own goals.  Autonomy.

“The perfect girl is like a BUTTERFLY.”  

ME:  Ooh…butterfly.  I like that concept.

LUKE:  Yeah, that one word says it all.  Think about it… A butterfly is a beautiful, delicate, unique creature unlike any other in the world....

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Get More of What You Want In Your Relationship

How You Can Use Positive Moments To Inspire Him

Have you ever experienced someone close to you in your life – that special friend or family member who brings out the absolute best in you when you’re together?

For example, you find that you are your wittiest self when this person is around and you have and endless array of inside jokes that just seem to flow in a constant supply?

Or perhaps you are your most creative self and your best work or best ideas come to you effortlessly when he or she is present?

This type of soul-mate experience happens when we are connected to another person such that we feel completely free to be ourselves – authentically.   

How Authenticity Inspires Connection 

Ever notice that when you’re with your “tribe” – those people in your life who are closest to you – it feels completely natural to be yourself?

When you’re with your tribe, you can speak your...

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How Doing This ONE Thing Made My Boyfriend Propose

…And How It Could Have Totally Backfired!

How I Made My Bofriend Propose

You could truly be the sexiest, classiest, smartest, most sophisticated, most adventurous, most awesome, sports-loving goddess in the whole wide world, but if your boyfriend isn’t really stepping up to claim you and it doesn’t feel like the relationship is moving forward, then the problem could very well be that he doesn’t believe he has any competition to worry about.

I see it happen all the time.

Here’s a simple “truth” about your man that he will never admit to you:

If he believes that men are falling all over themselves trying to be with you, he will instinctively step up to “win you” for himself.

However, if he believes he’s already won you, he might not feel much of an urgency to commit.

This is why it’s SO important to “up” your perceived value.

The Treasure Conquest

A man will claim that which he...

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