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5 Steps To Resisting Toxic Men

Have you ever found yourself hopelessly attracted to an emotionally unavailable manor a man who wasn’t really there for you?

Did you wonder, “why can’t he just love me?” or “what’s wrong with me?”

Have you rejected men who adored you and would do anything to be with you?

If you answered yes to these questions, please keep reading to learn my 5 Steps to Receiving Love.

Why We Love Those Who Reject Us

Through our past experience with disppointment, failure, humiliation, betrayal, lies, and heartbreak, we create an internal diaglog that we’re not fully conscious of.  It’s like a defense mechanism meant to serve as a sort of buffer between us and future disappointment.  It’s how we attempt to protect ourselves from future trauma.

This is the part of you that’s always judging you and everyone else.

We are constantly assessing and analyzing the people in our world that we know as well as those we don’t know.   We compare ourselves to others.  We compare other people to others.  We judge and compare ourselves and everyone else.   We form judgments based upon our own past experiences.

Past Experiences Shape Our Future

I once knew a girl whose father was somewhat critical of her.  He wasn’t around much, but when he did speak to her it was always somewhat harsh. I remember him teasing her about eating too many cupcakes.  She was always self conscious of her weight and worried that her father wouldn’t love her if she didn’t stay below a certain size.

He didn’t show up to watch her play sports or perform in the school musical.  Sadly, she always thought he didn’t show up because she wasn’t good enough.

Another friend growing up fell in love with her highschool sweetheart.  He was a sweet, charming and popular boy who was good at everything.  To everyone, they seemed like a match made in heaven.  That was, until the day he cheated on her with one of her best friend. She never saw it coming and she was so devastated.   It took some time, but she eventually started dating again.

We’ve all had tramatic experiences in our lives that changed us in some way.   Sometimes we even blamed ourselves for allowing it happen and vowed to never do “that” again.   We built a wall around our emotions to protect ourselves from future suffering.

Our perspectives are shaped from our own personal experiences.   When something happens to us we naturally attach meaning to it.  Then we go forth as if that particular meaning or storyis “the way it is”.

Why You Reject Nice Guys

When you’ve experienced pain and feelings of rejection in various personal relationships and seem to go from one toxic relationship to the next, the perplexity is that each time you may THINK you’re ready to go for the nice guy who will treat you like a queen and lavish you with the attention you deserve, rather than another toxic guy who keeps you begging for crumbs.

You wonder why you can’t be happy with a nice guy and only seem to fall in love with men who don’t care about you.

Somewhere at some point, you judged yourself and never accepted whatever it was that happened and loved yourself anyway.

The Real Reason He Can’t Love You

Chances are, the guys you are chasing after are in the same boat.  They probably have past experiences that created unresolved feelings around rejection and have trouble accepting love from a woman when it’s being offered.   They’re jumping from girl to girl trying find love and be loved, too, while rejecting the love you’re offering.  They only seem to hold interest in the ones who don’t care about them.

5 Steps To Resisting Toxic Men and Receiving The Love You Want 

We’ve all experienced rejection at some point in our lives.  If you’ve experienced rejection without choosing to love yourself, accept yourself, and accept what happened, you could be creating a pattern of looking for love and acceptance from outside yourself and oftentimes from those who aren’t capable of accepting themselves first.

The key to healing and finding love in the future lies within your ability to love yourself and accept everything that happens without judgment.   This is paramount to receiving the love you want.

  1. Choose to love yourself always, no matter what happens.  Let go of the need to figure out what you did wrong or blame yourself.  Stop trying to change yourself or fix your flaws.  You’ll die trying and end up alone.
  2. Put YOUR own happiness and well being above everything and else.  Don’t be a people pleaser.
  3. Don’t commit or offer exclusivity to any man who isn’t giving you the time, attention and love you deserve. This doesn’t mean you have to date multiple men at one time, although I would encourage you to until the right one has stepped up.
  4. Don’t expect others to accept you if you aren’t accepting yourself.  And understand that this goes for the reverse as well.  If you find yourself rejecting good men who want to love and treat you well, this is a sign that you may be judging.  Resist the urge to judge and compare yourself or others.  Greet every human being as a messenger and child of God.  Enjoy being in the presence of men of all types. They are there to help you discover what you want and don’t want in a relationship.
  5. Love ONLY those who love you.  Walk away from the ones who don’t.  Give the good guys a chance.  You may be very pleasantly surprised.

Here’s to your love success,

Carrie xoxo

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