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Avoid This Common Pitfall in Dating and Inspire Him to Win You

Why Men Pull Away

Here’s a question from “Lauren” about a common pattern that she keeps repeating that is keeping her from the love she wants.

Dear Carrie,

Could you please help me understand what I’m doing wrong with men?

I think I’ve done the same thing with my boyfriend as with my ex:  I jumped on their respective trains.  I had expectations. With my ex, I abandoned my country, friends and family, my career, my hobbies and even my appearance. I feel I’ve done the same with my boyfriend.  I wanted stuff from him and got really frustrated when he wasn’t delivering.  So what do I do instead?

MY ANSWER:

As women, when we fall in love, it feels natural to us to devote our entire lives to the relationship…sometimes to the point of losing ourselves.  That’s where we can go wrong.

Instead of our steadfast devotion working to strengthen the relationship, it can actually work against us if we give up on the interests and goals we had before the relationship.

We make the mistake of assuming our man wants this “devotion” from us.

A Familiar Pattern 

Lauren, there is a pattern repeating itself with you.  Don’t feel bad because you’re not alone!   I’ve experienced this before, too.   And it’s so exciting to me because you can totally fix this!

The pattern is this:  You get involved in an exclusive relationship with a man and you start to lose yourself.  You gradually give up your identity in order to please him (or so you think).

The problem is, when you give up your own goals and interests to please someone else, you become dependent upon that person to complete you — to provide whatever is missing to fill the space in your heart, when the truth is, YOU are the only one who can fill that space.

Filling the Space

We fill up the space in our hearts with all the various interests and things we enjoy.  Our goals, hobbies, etc.

When we settle into a relationship with a man we want to spend our time with, we may choose to cut back the time we spend on certain things we enjoy in order to make time for our new love interest.

And this is OK as long we aren’t looking to him to fulfill us in ways that can only be satisfied through pursuing the interests and goals in life that matter.

When we “sacrifice” or  turn our backs on the things we loved before the relationship — just for the SAKE of the relationship — that’s where we begin to lose ourselves.

Who is Responsible for Your Happiness

A man only serves as a COMPLIMENT to who you are – a partner.  He can’t bear the sole burden and responsibility of your happiness.  That’s your job.

Your relationship depends on you getting this.

A man will fall in love with you to the extent that you can fall in love with yourself.  

Meaning, when you are focused on yourself and all that you love and feel inspired to do, your focus is where it belongs – ON YOU.

A man who is healthy and able to do relationship will not feel threatened or insecure by a woman who is in love with her life.  He will be intrigued.  Because what inspires you and gives you that certain “zest” for life is what makes you interesting and unique.

A woman with a zest for life is sexy and fascinating!  

With your focus on YOU BEING YOU he doesn’t feel the pressure of trying to provide for your constant happiness.  (No one can live up to that!)

He doesn’t want to be a crutch.

He just wants to be a part of your world… a world he knows will turn with or without him.  (But he prefers WITH!)

Inspiring Him to WIN You

A man needs to feel that he’s “won” something valuable.   Men are wired to hunt and capture.  So, it doesn’t take long for a man to become bored or disinterested in a woman who plainly doesn’t value herself.

A man will value a woman to the degree she values herself.   

A man pulls away when being with you stops feeling good to him.   He stops feeling good with you when he realizes that you have dropped everything for him and it is now his responsibility to live up to that sacrifice.

How do you make sure he always feels good with you?

Make YOURSELF feel good!  Pamper yourself daily!  Passionately love what you do!  Celebrate and love what you love!

How do you hold onto a man? 

By holding onto YOU.  This is about holding onto your own interests, goals, dreams, etc., NOT abandoning them.

People will come and go in your life but you will always be with you.  Therefore, it is vitally important that you always take care of the inner you.

Making time for doing what inspires you, helps you learn and grow as a person.  These should always rank as a high priority for you, no matter where you are in life or who is your life at the time.

The man who is RIGHT for you will want to help you grow as a woman.  

The right man will want to support you in the things you love.  He will not feel insecure or jealous of the things that matter to you.

If you would like to learn how to manifest your inner goddess — with the energy and mindset of a confident, inspiring, captivating woman who loves her life — the kind of woman EVERY MAN DREAMS OF finding, feel free to contact me!

Love, Carrie xoxo

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