This post is inspired by a recent conversation I had with my 19-year-old son, Luke. He told me what makes a woman attractive, what makes a man fall in love, and why women get dumped so often.
ME: Tell me Luke…What is it about a woman that makes her attractive and irresistible?
LUKE: Well, I can tell you for sure what makes her UNATTRACTIVE. She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if she’s clingy and co-dependent it’s a no-go. Men — well, I can speak for myself anyway — are attracted to beautiful, confident, independent girls who are fun to be with, but have a life of their own, with their own goals. Autonomy.
“The perfect girl is like a BUTTERFLY.”
ME: Ooh…butterfly. I like that concept.
LUKE: Yeah, that one word says it all. Think about it… A butterfly is a beautiful, delicate, unique creature unlike any other in the world. Just watching her makes you happy. She dances from flower to flower while doing her own thing. She’s totally free.
ME: That makes perfect sense.
“When a woman falls in love she forgets she’s a butterfly.”
LUKE: Everything is great and then she falls in love. Sometimes when a girl falls in love, she stops being a butterfly. She reverts back to her icky catepillar state and attaches her cocoon to you. *shudders* Now that she’s in love, she needs and expects something from you. That’s when we guys tend to back off or run.
ME: I think we girls sometimes get swept up in the early stages of romance. When a guy is totally into you he’s showering you with attention and affection, he wants to spend time with you… Often he will show vulnerability during this initial “whirlwind phase” and even tell you he’s falling in love. There’s “future” speak and talk about “us” and we begin to relax into the idea of being a couple…we fall in love and “attach” ourselves to him emotionally. Then suddenly out of nowhere he falls out of love…it happens so quickly that we are left feeling used and confused. He stops calling and texting…he just drops off the planet so to speak…without explanation.
LUKE: A guy can get overwhelmed when a woman reverts back to her cocoon stage and starts making future plans so early on. What can start out as great potential can quickly become a reality check. The secret to not having a guy pull back from you suddenly is to let it happen slowly. Enjoy yourself with your man but keep your compass pointed toward your own goals.
“A butterfly does not capture — she captivates her beholder.”
From the mouths of babes…
Thank you for your wisdom, Luke!
Love, Carrie xoxo