Understanding HIS Timeline Vs. YOUR Timeline
Have you ever been dating a guy and you thought things were going really great, but then suddenly he pulled away after a few days, weeks or months?
It seemed like one minute the two of you were falling blissfully head over heels, and then then next thing you know, it’s all over and you have no idea why.
You may have even experienced a situation with a man where you thought for sure that the two of you had a powerful soul connection and then out of nowhere, he just ended it.
Has anything like this ever happened to you?
Well, if you’re anything like me, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. And you know how devastatingly awful it feels. It’s so confusing!
And if this has happened to you before, chances are you may have even stepped away from trusting yourself…then out the door goes your authenticity. It’s like you’re afraid to be yourself and really let a man get to know your heart because you’re afraid he’ll break it suddenly and you won’t see if coming. You’re ON GUARD!
Unfortunately, putting your guard up is the LAST thing you want to do to bring a man closer. He can’t connect with you if he can’t find your heart. To discover more how to be open and attractive, read my blog post “Keys to Winning at Love”.
So back to the task at hand! Just how do you know when your relationship becomes real?
Men have a totally different way of looking at dating and commitment than we do.
COMMON MISTAKE #1: Missing his early cues about his true intentions because you want to believe something else.
A man will usually share with us his desire (or lack thereof) for commitment from the beginning. Men tend to be open and honest about what they are looking for with a woman. If all he’s interested in is sex, he’ll tell you. If he does or does not want marriage, he’ll let you know. What you choose to do with that information is up to you.
A man will generally give us most of the information we need to know about his relationship worthiness early on.
So, say you’re hitting it off with a guy you’ve just started seeing…
He starts opening up to you about his ideas on marriage, commitment, children, his hopes and dreams, etc…
It feels like the two of you are aligning on so many important things, you think.
He’s asking all the right questions…we have so much in common, you think.
You feel excited… you can feel the rush of hormones flooding in… the chemistry… the question pops in your mind “is he the ONE?”
What do you think? What do you do? How will you respond?
Some of us will take this as HUGE encouragement that this relationship is really going somewhere…and FAST! And it may very well be. But before you start shopping for wedding dresses, let me explain a little something about how a man’s timeline works and what to do during that NEWLY BUDDING time period before it gets REAL so that you can understand what’s happening and not lose yourself in the process.
When you understand better how a man thinks about the stages of relationship and commitment, you can relax, enjoy creating the connection and GO WITH THE FLOW.
COMMON MISTAKE #2: Believing you’re in a REAL (committed) relationship when you’re just DATING.
We sometimes get confused thinking he’s really into us when he’s really only getting to know us. Sometimes a man will ask “intimate” questions about our hopes and desires to find out if we align with his. If a man is really serious about finding a woman he can settle down with, then this will be especially important to him. He may even want to “try out” a marriage scenario with you or tell you he’s really into the idea of marrying you.
A guys’ timeline is 2-3 months before he knows how he feels about you.
It doesn’t mean he’s falling in love just yet.
He’s just getting to know you and trying you on for size (emotionally speaking) and compatibility. I’ve found that men that I click with early on, almost always come across this way…a little strong in the beginning.
COMMON MISTAKE #3: Losing yourself as you get swept up in the chemistry and emotions you’re feeling.
The mistake women make (me included, lesson learned) is thinking we have the upper hand confidence-wise because the guy who’s sharing so much so soon seems vulnerable.
It’s almost as if he’s asking you not to break his heart. He comes across wearing his fragile, bleeding heart on his sleeve. So, instinctively you drop your guard and try to nurture whatever it is in him that “needs” your reassurance. And then, depending upon the level of attraction you feel towards him, you all-of-a-sudden become emotionally invested.
You feel so deeply that you’re yearning to find the love of your life with whom to live the legendary love story…the one that your children’s grandchildren will even brag about.
You WANT to believe it’s real. Everything he’s saying and doing is telling you that IT IS real. Your heart believes he feels it too!
So you follow your heart. You close off all your other options.
And what happens next when we do this is a total crap shoot. You can find out that he’s totally on the same page OR you can find out that you’ve become fully vested emotionally only to find out that he was “into you” but not as much as you were into him. And when the latter happens, it really stings! You feel desperate to set the relationship back on track, and it’s like the harder you try, the further away he drifts away from you. So you find yourself totally, rattled, confused, and wondering how it got so off course so suddenly.
And if you’re anything like me, you start beating yourself up.
That’s not the most attractive position for a “diva goddess” to find herself in. I set out on a mission to make sure this never happened to me again. And I hope my experience helps to make sure this doesn’t happen to you…
What does a real relationship look like?
Until there is a real promise of commitment (marriage is on the table, a ring, a plan that involves building a life with you), starts to take shape it’s ALL just talk. You’re DATING. Nothing more, nothing less. Don’t let yourself get trapped into thinking or reading too much into a relationship when it’s in its initial stages.
Never a better time to practice being YOU!
By all means, FEEL what you’re feeling and go there with him when he wants to explore those areas of life and philosophy with you. Let him get to know you by being open without any agenda. He can relax, you can relax. There is no pressure. We’re just having fun! Tell him your hopes and dreams. Express yourself.
Your heart is safe!
Love, Carrie xoxo
p.s. I’m here to empower the goddess within you! Please feel free to contact me with any questions…I’m here for you!