I was recently contacted by a woman who was terribly upset because her man had just told her he loved her but didn’t always feel attracted to her.
My heart sank for her because I know what it feels like to hear those words.
The sting of those words wasn’t lessened by the fact that he was openly sharing about a conversation he’d had the prior evening with an old long-lost lady pal.
As we began to peel back the layers of what happened, I could hear right away that he was a mature, thoughtful and loving partner, and that their relationship was clearly based on openness and honesty. No matter to her, because hearing those words felt like a dagger through her heart and her most sacred dream – to be truly loved.
All she could hear was “I’m unlovable…No one will ever marry me.”
In fact, she was so focused on his “sometimes I’m not attracted to you” comment that she almost entirely missed the ...
You’re Upset Because You Haven’t Heard From Him…Should You Pretend Everything is OK?
One reader has been feeling confused because she hasn’t heard from the guy she’s seeing who’s been out of the country on vacation for a month. She’s feeling disappointed and a little pissed because she thought they were really into each other and she had hoped he would find time to stay in touch. She’s not sure what to say when he calls.
To find your words, first start with finding your feelings. ALL of them.
Truth is, there can be lots of feelings happening all at the same time. We’re complex and that’s what makes us so wonderful! You could be feeling any emotion from terrible to elated and several in between.
Let’s approach this using an adaptation from some of Rori Raye’s wisdom.
Step 1: Tune into your feelings.
Ask yourself: How would it feel if he called?...
This post is inspired by a recent conversation I had with my 19-year-old son, Luke. He told me what makes a woman attractive, what makes a man fall in love, and why women get dumped so often.
ME: Tell me Luke…What is it about a woman that makes her attractive and irresistible?
LUKE: Well, I can tell you for sure what makes her UNATTRACTIVE. She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if she’s clingy and co-dependent it’s a no-go. Men — well, I can speak for myself anyway — are attracted to beautiful, confident, independent girls who are fun to be with, but have a life of their own, with their own goals. Autonomy.
“The perfect girl is like a BUTTERFLY.”
ME: Ooh…butterfly. I like that concept.
LUKE: Yeah, that one word says it all. Think about it… A butterfly is a beautiful, delicate, unique creature unlike any other in the world....
I see it happen all the time.
Here’s a simple “truth” about your man that he will never admit to you:
If he believes that men are falling all over themselves trying to be with you, he will instinctively step up to “win you” for himself.
However, if he believes he’s already won you, he might not feel much of an urgency to commit.
This is why it’s SO important to “up” your perceived value.
A man will claim that which he...
(Ladies, feel free to pass this little gold nugget along to the men in your lives!)
Dancing is the art of seduction – do it right, and you just might lead her sraight to the bedroom.
“So put on your red shoes…”
1. Women find men who not only will dance, but can lead, very sexy and appealing. (This holds true in life as well.) We’re naturally “wired” that way. When a man can take charge on the dance floor and lead us effortlessly, it can create intense and powerful attraction that stirs up our happy sexy endorphins.
2. Dancing is a great way to melt the ice with someone you’ve just met. You can skip the awkward small talk and get to know each other’s chemistry on the dance floor. The better your skills, the more at ease your partner will feel, which is very attractive to us ladies. Get good enough at dancing and you’ll have an...
I truly believe this this is how the universe and everything in it was formed – as a thought that was conceived, spoken and nurtured into existence.
This is the “universal law” for creating the love life you want (and anything else for that matter). I know this is true from my own personal experience and it’s become my life’s work as a relationship coach to help you do the same.
I met my husband on Match using this principle (and a damn good profile!)… We were married just under one year later and are still quite blissfully so. I’m such a believer in this method for manifesting your soul mate that I really wanted to share it.
What you think about the most is what you manifest into your reality. When you imagine it with feeling, you imbue it with a...
Is He Mr. Right Or Just A Good Guy?
Have you ever dated a guy and noticed (almost) everything about him fit you perfectly, and thought…
”How can I make him realize that we’re so perfect for each other?”
Women sometimes have a tendency to idealize a man when we feel chemistry…such as the kind that’s sparked when he shows up with certain “Good Guy Traits” that trigger our feelings of attraction for him on a deeper level. Problem is, when our “good guy” radar kicks in, our better judgment intinct sometimes takes the back seat.
Good Guy Traits…
“He’s intelligent/intellectually stimulates me.”
“He’s a confident.”
“He’s fun and adventurous.”
Do you ever feel like you’re his last priority? Like everyone else in his life is more important, and you’re just an afterthought as he runs off to help this friend or spend time with that friend instead of spending time with you?
If this sounds familiar, here are 5 secrets about how men think and how to inspire a man to give you more of himself. More time, more affection, a deeper more intimate connection…
#1 – Be a warm, safe place for him.
He wants to be himself and be appreciated for who he is. He doesn’t want to have to worry about what you will think. He doesn’t want to be wrong, criticized, or judged. He doesn’t want to be seen as a disappointment or failure in your eyes. He wants to be with a woman with whom he feels comfortable to say whatever is on his mind, do what he likes, and know he has her approval.
#2 – Be a warm and soft place for him to land.
When He Stops Trying… DO THIS:
This is the 2nd part of an email I received from “Lauren”, who wanted help understanding what she was doing wrong with men.
In a recent post titled “Avoid This Common Pitfall in Dating and Inspire Him to Win You” I talked about how to keep from losing yourself and your identity when you become involved in a relationship.
Lauren wanted to know:
“Should I have no expectations? Be completely independent and close my heart so that I don’t get hurt again? But if I’m completely independent then what is the point of being in a relationship?”
Expectations can be tricky. Happiness starts with giving up the need to place expectations on others. Freedom is so much better!
Freeing your man from expectations allows him to show up however he chooses.
“The Magic of Appreciation”…and 5 Ways to Show It.
There’s no other feeling in the world like the feeling of being appreciated. Even for the mundane “everyday things” in life. Even for the things we’re “supposed to do”. When we feel appreciated we naturally want to do more — give more.
Being the “giving” energy partner in the relationship, men really thrive upon our appreciation. The more we appreciate them, the more they instinctively want to give. It’s in their nature to give to us.
And yet, so often we withhold our appreciation. Why do we do this?
Do we fall into a way of expectation or complacency?
Do we fear somehow that lavishing too much praise will make us weak and vulnerable?
Do we fail to see what we ought to appreciate because we are too focused on what we DON’T have, rather than what we should be thankful for?
Are we too busy criticizing him to appreciate him?