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Communicating When You're Upset With Him

“Dear Carrie:

Yesterday my boyfriend told me he wanted to see his poker buddies on Friday night.  But that’s OUR night.  We only see each other on the weekends because he works out of town during the week. It wouldn’t be a big deal, except he’s going out of town for a few weeks and I’m disappointed because I thought he would want to spend time with me before he leaves.  But instead he’s choosing his friends?!?   Should I be worried???  I’m afraid to say anything, but it feels like he has all the power in the relationship and I’m just supposed to smile and accept whatever he wants.”

MY RESPONSE:

Kathryn, I can hear that you’re feeling neglected and you’re afraid that if you say something, you’ll risk losing him.   

This is either a passing feeling of disappointment that you can easily move past when he does something right or something to make you happy again, OR it...

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What to Do When He Hasn’t Called

You’re Upset Because You Haven’t Heard From Him…Should You Pretend Everything is OK?

One reader has been feeling confused because she hasn’t heard from the guy she’s seeing who’s been out of the country on vacation for a month.  She’s feeling disappointed and a little pissed because she thought they were really into each other and she had hoped he would find time to stay in touch.  She’s not sure what to say when he calls.

MY ANSWER:

To find your words, first start with finding your feelings.  ALL of them.

Truth is, there can be lots of feelings happening all at the same time.  We’re complex and that’s what makes us so wonderful!  You could be feeling any emotion from terrible to elated and several in between.

Let’s approach this using an adaptation from some of Rori Raye’s wisdom.

Step 1:  Tune into your feelings. 

Ask yourself:  How would it feel if he called?...

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When the Man You Love is Married

Does the Idea of Being Without Him Feel Impossible?
Occasionally, I am asked for help with healing and moving forward after an affair with a married man.  I know from working closely with a number of women who have been in this situation that moving forward can be extremely painful and difficult.

In most cases, they didn’t set out to become involved, much less fall in love with married men. It just happened.

The story is different from one situation to the next, but the common theme I’ve noticed — the common ATTRACTION — is this:  CHEMISTRY.

 

Julia writes:
“I hate being vulnerable. I opened up to Michael precisely because the way he treated me from the beginning was completely different from what I ever had with with my husband. That’s the reason why I put caution to the wind even though I knew he was married… I just wanted to be around him even if it meant just sitting next to him while he was filling his paperwork in at a...

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What Makes a Woman Magnetic and Irresistible?

This post is  inspired by a recent conversation I had with my 19-year-old son, Luke.     He told me what makes a woman attractive, what makes a man fall in love, and why women get dumped so often.

ME:   Tell me Luke…What is it about a woman that makes her attractive and irresistible?

LUKE:  Well, I can tell you for sure what makes her UNATTRACTIVE.  She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if she’s clingy and co-dependent it’s a no-go.   Men — well, I can speak for myself anyway — are attracted to beautiful, confident, independent girls who are fun to be with, but have a life of their own, with their own goals.  Autonomy.

“The perfect girl is like a BUTTERFLY.”  

ME:  Ooh…butterfly.  I like that concept.

LUKE:  Yeah, that one word says it all.  Think about it… A butterfly is a beautiful, delicate, unique creature unlike any other in the world....

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Get More of What You Want In Your Relationship

How You Can Use Positive Moments To Inspire Him

Have you ever experienced someone close to you in your life – that special friend or family member who brings out the absolute best in you when you’re together?

For example, you find that you are your wittiest self when this person is around and you have and endless array of inside jokes that just seem to flow in a constant supply?

Or perhaps you are your most creative self and your best work or best ideas come to you effortlessly when he or she is present?

This type of soul-mate experience happens when we are connected to another person such that we feel completely free to be ourselves – authentically.   

How Authenticity Inspires Connection 

Ever notice that when you’re with your “tribe” – those people in your life who are closest to you – it feels completely natural to be yourself?

When you’re with your tribe, you can speak your...

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What Men Really Want

Do you ever feel like you’re his last priority?  Like everyone else in his life is more important, and you’re just an afterthought as he runs off to help this friend or spend time with that friend instead of spending time with you?

If this sounds familiar, here are 5 secrets about how men think and how to inspire a man to give you more of himself.   More time, more affection, a deeper more intimate connection…

#1 – Be a warm, safe place for him.

He wants to be himself and be appreciated for who he is.  He doesn’t want to have to worry about what you will think.  He doesn’t want to be wrong, criticized, or judged.  He doesn’t want to be seen as a disappointment or failure in your eyes.   He wants to be with a woman with whom he feels comfortable to say whatever is on his mind, do what he likes, and know he has her approval.

#2 – Be a warm and soft place for him to land.

This...

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Why Expectations Push Men Away and What to Do Instead

When He Stops Trying… DO THIS:

This is the 2nd part of an email I received from “Lauren”, who wanted help understanding what she was doing wrong with men.

In a recent post titled “Avoid This Common Pitfall in Dating and Inspire Him to Win You” I talked about how to keep from losing yourself and your identity when you become involved in a relationship.

Lauren wanted to know:

“Should I have no expectations?  Be completely independent and close my heart so that I don’t get hurt again?  But if I’m completely independent then what is the point of being in a relationship?”

MY ANSWER:

Expectations can be tricky.  Happiness starts with giving up the need to place expectations on others.  Freedom is so much better!

Freeing your man from expectations allows him to show up however he chooses. 

*** Don’t Miss My FREE Teleseminar — ALL Your Love Questions Anwered Monday, OCT 27th...

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Why Appreciation is VITAL to His Commitment

“The Magic of Appreciation”…and 5 Ways to Show It.

There’s no other feeling in the world like the feeling of being appreciated. Even for the mundane “everyday things” in life. Even for the things we’re “supposed to do”. When we feel appreciated we naturally want to do more — give more.

Being the “giving” energy partner in the relationship, men really thrive upon our appreciation. The more we appreciate them, the more they instinctively want to give. It’s in their nature to give to us.

And yet, so often we withhold our appreciation. Why do we do this?

Do we fall into a way of expectation or complacency?

Do we fear somehow that lavishing too much praise will make us weak and vulnerable?

Do we fail to see what we ought to appreciate because we are too focused on what we DON’T have, rather than what we should be thankful for?

Are we too busy criticizing him to appreciate him?

(Please share...

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Finding Deeper Intimacy

I’m an alluring woman sometimes asked by people what motivated me to become a relationship coach.

Well, besides the fact that I love coaching people and I’m fascinated with what makes relationships work between men and women, my biggest motivation was a deep personal desire to experience intimacy with a man in a way I had never experienced.  

I knew I was the only one standing in the way of discovering that kind of connection with a man.  

So I set out on a mission of self-discovery to learn how to achieve a true and lasting intimacy— a real connection — like I’d never had before.

When I first came across Rori Raye’s materials, I had been in a relationship with my now husband, Paul, for just a few months.  Everything was going great with Paul!   And I was really falling in love.  Fast.

And as I began tumbling faster and farther down the hill that’s when my fears and insecurities started...

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Avoid This Common Pitfall in Dating and Inspire Him to Win You

Why Men Pull Away

Here’s a question from “Lauren” about a common pattern that she keeps repeating that is keeping her from the love she wants.

Dear Carrie,

Could you please help me understand what I’m doing wrong with men?

I think I’ve done the same thing with my boyfriend as with my ex:  I jumped on their respective trains.  I had expectations. With my ex, I abandoned my country, friends and family, my career, my hobbies and even my appearance. I feel I’ve done the same with my boyfriend.  I wanted stuff from him and got really frustrated when he wasn’t delivering.  So what do I do instead?

MY ANSWER:

As women, when we fall in love, it feels natural to us to devote our entire lives to the relationship…sometimes to the point of losing ourselves.  That’s where we can go wrong.

Instead of our steadfast devotion working to strengthen the relationship, it can actually work against us if we give up on the...

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