You’re Upset Because You Haven’t Heard From Him…Should You Pretend Everything is OK?
One reader has been feeling confused because she hasn’t heard from the guy she’s seeing who’s been out of the country on vacation for a month. She’s feeling disappointed and a little pissed because she thought they were really into each other and she had hoped he would find time to stay in touch. She’s not sure what to say when he calls.
To find your words, first start with finding your feelings. ALL of them.
Truth is, there can be lots of feelings happening all at the same time. We’re complex and that’s what makes us so wonderful! You could be feeling any emotion from terrible to elated and several in between.
Let’s approach this using an adaptation from some of Rori Raye’s wisdom.
Step 1: Tune into your feelings.
Ask yourself: How would it feel if he called?...
This post is inspired by a recent conversation I had with my 19-year-old son, Luke. He told me what makes a woman attractive, what makes a man fall in love, and why women get dumped so often.
ME: Tell me Luke…What is it about a woman that makes her attractive and irresistible?
LUKE: Well, I can tell you for sure what makes her UNATTRACTIVE. She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if she’s clingy and co-dependent it’s a no-go. Men — well, I can speak for myself anyway — are attracted to beautiful, confident, independent girls who are fun to be with, but have a life of their own, with their own goals. Autonomy.
“The perfect girl is like a BUTTERFLY.”
ME: Ooh…butterfly. I like that concept.
LUKE: Yeah, that one word says it all. Think about it… A butterfly is a beautiful, delicate, unique creature unlike any other in the world....
Is He Mr. Right Or Just A Good Guy?
Have you ever dated a guy and noticed (almost) everything about him fit you perfectly, and thought…
”How can I make him realize that we’re so perfect for each other?”
Women sometimes have a tendency to idealize a man when we feel chemistry…such as the kind that’s sparked when he shows up with certain “Good Guy Traits” that trigger our feelings of attraction for him on a deeper level. Problem is, when our “good guy” radar kicks in, our better judgment intinct sometimes takes the back seat.
Good Guy Traits…
“He’s intelligent/intellectually stimulates me.”
“He’s a confident.”
“He’s fun and adventurous.”
Do you ever feel like you’re his last priority? Like everyone else in his life is more important, and you’re just an afterthought as he runs off to help this friend or spend time with that friend instead of spending time with you?
If this sounds familiar, here are 5 secrets about how men think and how to inspire a man to give you more of himself. More time, more affection, a deeper more intimate connection…
#1 – Be a warm, safe place for him.
He wants to be himself and be appreciated for who he is. He doesn’t want to have to worry about what you will think. He doesn’t want to be wrong, criticized, or judged. He doesn’t want to be seen as a disappointment or failure in your eyes. He wants to be with a woman with whom he feels comfortable to say whatever is on his mind, do what he likes, and know he has her approval.
#2 – Be a warm and soft place for him to land.
When He Stops Trying… DO THIS:
This is the 2nd part of an email I received from “Lauren”, who wanted help understanding what she was doing wrong with men.
In a recent post titled “Avoid This Common Pitfall in Dating and Inspire Him to Win You” I talked about how to keep from losing yourself and your identity when you become involved in a relationship.
Lauren wanted to know:
“Should I have no expectations? Be completely independent and close my heart so that I don’t get hurt again? But if I’m completely independent then what is the point of being in a relationship?”
Expectations can be tricky. Happiness starts with giving up the need to place expectations on others. Freedom is so much better!
Freeing your man from expectations allows him to show up however he chooses.
Why Men Pull Away
Here’s a question from “Lauren” about a common pattern that she keeps repeating that is keeping her from the love she wants.
Could you please help me understand what I’m doing wrong with men?
I think I’ve done the same thing with my boyfriend as with my ex: I jumped on their respective trains. I had expectations. With my ex, I abandoned my country, friends and family, my career, my hobbies and even my appearance. I feel I’ve done the same with my boyfriend. I wanted stuff from him and got really frustrated when he wasn’t delivering. So what do I do instead?
As women, when we fall in love, it feels natural to us to devote our entire lives to the relationship…sometimes to the point of losing ourselves. That’s where we can go wrong.
Instead of our steadfast devotion working to strengthen the relationship, it can actually work against us if we give up on the...
What To Do When You’re Not Sure if He’s Moved On or Still There…
Here’s an email (I shortened a little) from a woman who is struggling to understand if her relationship has ended with a man whom she feels is truly meant for her.
Is he working through his issues (and still loves her) or has he moved on?
Still no closure on my relationship and struggling to be happy and stay happy. I think about him every single day. It could be a song that reminds me of him, a movie, a thought, food or anything. I had a dream the other night about his daughter, and it seemed so real. The very next night I had a dream about him. So even though I try to move on and I am working on sending out good, positive vibes, I am somehow always brought back to thoughts of him, even in my subconscious which I can’t even control!
Sometimes I feel like I’ll get signs that we still have a chance and he just needs a little push and reassurance from me and to...
Do you ever experience those moments of clarity when it feels like you’re living life “full out”? Like you’re on the court, rather than a spectator in the stands? And it feels as if the whole universe is cheering you on and saying “YES”!?
That’s what it feels like to be WINNING! Oh, if only you could feel this powerful and magnetic ALL of the time, right?
I believe that we must always be evolving…growing…learning…reaching our human potential while we are here on this earth for this precious, short time. In addition to finding love and experiencing the difficulties and dynamics of a love relationship, we must develop ourselves as individuals. This is where true fulfillment lies.
Love with another soul is complimentary…it does not define us. We often find our soul mates when we find ourselves.
KEYS to Winning At Love:
So you’ve started dating a guy that you really like and your head is telling you that this is the real deal…”Oh Yeah! He’s The One!”
But you want to know for sure…how can you be sure?
Listen. First, let me just tell you… and maybe you’re not going to want to hear this at first… But trust me… You need to know this because I want you to succeed, so hear me out.
Stop listening to your head! There’s nothing going on up there that’s going to help you navigate the rough waters ahead of you once you’ve become smitten.
That’s right! Your head will deceive you into thinking all sorts of things.
Your head will tell you…
“Am I wrong to feel this way?”
Need to ask a question that I hope doesn’t put me in the “shallow” category.
A guy I’m dating doesn’t have a car. He sold it a few months ago because he retired and decided that he couldn’t afford to keep both his car and his motorcycle, and the motorcycle won out. However, I don’t feel good about getting serious with a man who doesn’t have a car. He asked me out for Friday night (in addition to Wednesday) night to go to a live talk show we both like. And just texted me back asking if he could come here on his cycle, and we could take my car over to the film studio from here. (He rented a car for our first date, and said he had no problem renting when he needed to.) By the way, he got another job after retiring from his old line of work because he wanted some additional income.
I want to be honest about my feelings about this, but am leaning...